Glass Box Symmetry

"Glass Box Symmetry"

 

Today I wrote to you.
You wrote back
It was like for a moment there was hope
A glimpse from the edge of darkness
Then that old familiar chill crept over my head
Crept over me, reminding me you are gone
Gone from my arms
Gone from my heart
I told you at the base of that water fall it was like you took my heart
And placed it into a glass box, filled with light
It was so glorious that day and night
"But no. no. no. NO! NOT LIKE THIS
WHY LIKE THIS
WHY!? What did I do!?"
Panic swept over me that night
I dry heaved
And my organs retched as I laid there
Longest 4 hours of my life, were the ones I tried to sleep
The night before you left me.
The night before that box you put my heart in
Was left on a shelf, well lit to be seen at a far off
I miss you, but maybe I just missed the point instead
See the point of being "in love"
is to strive to "stay in love"
Not jump ship.
We made promises
We shared strong words
To strive to an end
To strive to live
To be happy
For Love
And All I got was this glass box that became my prison.
I miss that connection to belong to someone
Now I am captive in this prison
Suffocating for someone to hold me
For someone to see who I am
and stick around
And say "You are beautiful. I want you. To keep you."
Yeah I'm a man, but most men won't tell you is we want that.
We want to be loved, we want to be adored. to be needed and wanted.
So fuck masculinity. I want someone beautiful to say that I am as well
To look at my soul and all, and be filled with adoration
Inspiration. But is it too much. Too much. Too much.
But maybe more than anything I want someone to say it and prove it
That "I Love you".

Silence

"Silence"

This pain is different. It's new.
In the past I could open up
I could tell everyone what's going on
Now I don't want to.

It's like a dull blade that's been heated
As it cuts into my heart
A slow digging burning sensation

At the base of my heart

I don't want to feel this way
Just get's old.
Telling people what's wrong.
I'd rather not say anything

Instead, I'd rather have someone just sit with me
Maybe I could cry.
Sob for a while, then someone crack a joke.
Yeah that would be nice

It'd be nice to have happen.
But I feel so alone here
So alone
So without home

I feel without heart
Without purpose
It tends to be this way
Every-time I try and get on track

It's difficult to live like this.
With this dull burning blade
Digging its way through my heart
Ripping the flesh

No I don't want to talk about it.
I just... don't
Want to talk
Not anymore.

Not a poem this time.

.....Not a poem this time....

I figured, I'm gonna talk less with verbal speech and try to resort to only typing things. I'm full of strong words but they seem dramatically lessened with the amount I open my mouth.

I recently lost something dear to me. But was it the connection
Or was it the miss judgement of me trusting someone with my heart so fervently

Only time will tell right?

Who knows?

As it were. I've been in this strange place lately. Of self improvement. and internal conflict. twisting and writhing at battle with my demons.

Let's call him "H"

This guy tends to want things, things I shouldn't want. and well H, is very opinionated.

some say they have demons, mine have names.

Nothing is more frustrating then being at continual battle. See I wanna fall in love.

.......Be in love.....

...........................LOVE and be LOVED

Is that too much to ask for. It almost doesn't matter who it is. i just am dying to have it
DYING

AM I DYING!?

Man what a mess. my thoughts seem to be all over the place.

Well look at you trying to be all proper and saving face

Me!? TRYING TO SAVE FACE!?
I can hardly look at my self in the mirror

How am I to save face now!?
With all that is lost? all that is gone

Regardless. My artistic sides are clashing with my analytical mind.

ITS LIKE IM TRAPPED

IN THIS BODY

MADE OF RAW EXPOSED NErVES

Do you even know what it's like to be a computer trapped in an Artist's body?

Do you know what its like to be starving for affection

Your mind continually is judging, rationalizing, quantifying everything?!

It's like a bad joke,
And the punch line didn't even sound funny to the guy telling it!

Exactly it's like I'm suffocating within myself!

Suffocating... dying. It's not even the beginning of all of it.
It's truly a separation of self and consciousness

You understand they are going to have a headache reading this right?

If they made it this far maybe they realized

the different positioning represents tone?

Well aren't you just cheeky and insightful?

Anyways, enough arguing with myself

You really think that'll ever happen?

Heh, we have a higher chance of finding true love

Anyway...... this is my mind

As chaotic as it may seem

Judge as you will

But know that we don't care.

Nor will I ever censor for your sensibilities!

Catch ya around.

Broken Things

Broken Things

a song for Victoria:

Let me show you the Broken things
Let me give you these broken wings
Let Trace lines in the sand
As our fingers hold each other’s hands

I’ve fought and I’ve tried
to have courage on the inside
And I’ve longed for a long time
And I have written so many lines

Let me show you these broken things
Let me give you these broken wings
Let’s trace lines in the sand
As our fingers hold each other’s hands

There is something inside this man
That just wants to hold your hand
To see you smiling every day
And girl I just don’t know what just to say

 Let me show you these broken things
Let me give you these broken wings
Let’s trace lines in the sand
As our fingers hold each other’s hands

Let me give these broken things
Let me give you my broken wings
Like tracing lines in the sand
Like the veins in our hands

Let me give you these broken things
Let me give you my broken wings
Like tracings lines in the sand
Let me show you why I am this man

 

I’ve been waiting my whole life

For you to be my wife

Don’t you know I want to trace lines in the sand

This Is My Heart

This Is My Heart

My heart is being quaint

My head is being shrunk to view

the things inside of me towards you
Of how this life has been led to

These songs I sing, and what I do

The equivelance of this has lead me to believe

That it is destined you to me.

You see, to me, you are everything a woman could be

Amazing. Beautiful, Majestic and much more

To infinity and beyond, yet seems to be more

More than yesterday, more than even today

As if it was preordained of the centuries
And brought for to this day

My darling, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen

No one to me has such a face

such a look such eyes that captivate my very soul

no one is your equal, no, not one.

Credentials Please

CREDENTIALS  PLEASE

 by: H G S

Was it the way the lake reflected the night air

That caused my mind to be intoxicated

Or was it the way the sun seemed to hit your eyes

That made me think of a nebula in space

Glorious and from the heavens even
Or was it how around you crowds seemed to vanish
As if we were alone in a room far away from any civilization
All I know is the incredible amount of peace and beauty in your face
My sense seemed heightened around you
My brain sped up and my world slowed down
I truly didn't know what to do.
What? This is possible? This concept that's renowned

Romance. True love.
Those fairy tale stories given to us
The thing that everyone knows of
And how it seemed sent from above
Doesn't seem real,
All these things, as if out of reality, these things I feel.
As in that moment, and to the future I hope the day I will continue to seize
As asked by an official, I must check reality by saying, Credentials Please.

To Those Who Wish To Stay

WELCOME

HOME

This is my mind, This is my world. You are welcome, to stay, rent a space.

It's different than other places, and I hope to spill out my thoughts, and soul from time to time on this blog, as well as posting random tid-bits.

Until then, I will leave you with a few words.

If at all possible do not allow you to defeat yourself
Others may triumph over you, beat you, make you bleed
But never allow yourself to defeat what little strength you have
For that is all you have left.